Think about it for a second. Who actually cares for the caregiver? Who looks after you when you’re busy looking after everyone else? If you’re a caregiver, then the title of this blog probably hit close to home.
As a caregiver, you are often consumed with “what’s next” and “who needs what”. I’m sure it feels like there isn’t enough time in the day to get everything done. Between keeping up with work, looking after everyone and managing never-ending tasks, you most likely find yourself depleted by the end of the day. Its similar to when your phone battery dwindles down to 10%. Whether you’re a caregiver on a personal level, professional level or both, this blog is for you. The exhaustion that you feel is an understatement because of how deep it can be felt on a physical, emotional, and mental level. Caregiving can take a toll on you on multiple levels, and it can accumulate overtime which leaves you feeling heavy, burnt out and overwhelmed.
Caregivers will often say that they don’t have time to look after themselves. When I ask caregivers to tell me about ways they look after themselves, I usually hear things like “with what time?” or “when?”. But its true – how can you if your days are filled with endless tasks for other people. Time flies before your eyes. Before you know it, another week or month has gone by and you continue to feel drained, stuck and depleted.
But a car can’t run on an empty tank, and neither can you.
You cannot continue to dismiss your own needs while giving you whole self to others. I know that it can be easier to just keep trekking along and doing what you’re doing, but you’ll leave yourself feeling burnt out. Burnout can look like many things including, feeling numb, irritable, overwhelmed, drained, unmotivated, cynical, resentful, and exhausted on all levels. Does this sound familiar? If it does, keep reading.
So what now? Where do you start? Where do you go from here?
You start with checking in with yourself. Take a moment to ask yourself “how am I feeling?” and then ask “what do I need?”. You need to add yourself into the equation of life. You are just as important as all of the people you care for on a daily basis. And if we’re being honest, you need to look after yourself in order to look after everyone. There is a reason we hear “please put on your oxygen mask before helping the person beside you”. Making time to check in with yourself throughout the day allows you to pause for a moment, reflect on how you feel and then allow yourself to give your body what it needs. Maybe you need to take a break, eat a snack, go to the bathroom, take a moment alone or vent to a friend. The main purpose of these check-ins is to make time to look after yourself in the midst of a day full of constantly caring for others.
Then, the next step is to ask yourself “what brings me joy?” or “what do I miss doing that was just for me?”. Maybe it’s as simple as going out with a friend, catching up on a good book, or sitting in the bath. This step involves incorporating yourself into the day or week more often. It helps you to reflect on what brings you joy, and then scheduling it into your day. Looking after yourself doesn’t have to be fancy – it just needs to suit you and your needs.
By now you should have built in check-ins into your day and created a list of things that bring you joy back into your schedule. The third step is to create and implement boundaries.
This means carving out time in the day to do something for you. It also means protecting that time for you. It’s more than just asking yourself “what do I need?”. It’s following through and giving yourself a break of some sort. Implementing boundaries can be uncomfortable, but that’s because it’s a new or unfamiliar concept that you may not be used to. Boundaries can look like saying “no, I can’t do that”, “I’m not available”, “I can help with that tomorrow” or “my plate is too full”. Building boundaries will allow you to protect your time and energy instead of constantly giving it away.
Before you think “this is never going to work”, just remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I know you’re probably thinking this plan is a waste of time, but that’s because your body and mind have gotten used to you neglecting yourself. You need to start somewhere. Let this be your start.
From your fellow caregiver,
Sarah